- Звоню из Иерусалима, Холмс. Путешествовал вместе с тещей. И она скоропостижно скончалась.
- Мои соболезнования, Ватсон.
- Холмс, я хочу спросить вашего совета. Если ее хоронить в Англии, то только за перевоз тела требуют три тысячи фунтов. В то время, как за похороны на месте, здесь в Иерусалиме, берут только пятьсот.
- Везите ее в Англию. Там, где вы сейчас находитесь, однажды был случай. Похоронили, а через три дня покойник воскрес. Вам это нужно, Ватсон?
A man walks into a seedy back alley butcher shop to buy some human brain and asks "How much?" He’s told $10 a kilo for mini-bike riders… $50 a kilo fro trail riders… and $500 a kilo for motocross racers.” "Why so much for the motocrossers?" he asks. And the butcher replies "Do you know how many of them we need to get a kilo?"
A guy at the motocross track tells you that after winning his latest race on his Suzuki dirt bike, Santa Claus came up to congratulate him, and the Easter Bunny presented him with $1000 in prize money. How do you know he's lying?
Answer: No one wins a race on a Suzuki dirt bike.
Sry par palagu, bet katru reizi var ierēkt:
politikas modeļi
SOCIALISM
You own 2 cows.
You give your neighbor one of them.
COMMUNISM
You own 2 cows.
The state takes them both, and gives you milk
FASISCM
You own 2 cows.
The state takes them both, and sells you milk
NAZISM
You own 2 cows.
The state takes them both...and then shoots you.
BEAUROCRACY
You own 2 cows.
The state takes them both, Shoots one of them, milks the other and then spills all the milk
TRADIDIONAL CAPITALISM
You own 2 cows.
You sell one of them and buy a bull. You establish a cow farm and profit. You sell the cow farm and retire.
SURREALISM
You own two giraffes.
The state makes you go and learn to play the harmonica.
AMERICAN CORPORATISM
You own two cows. You sell one, and force the other to milk like 4 cows. Then you hire a specialist to explain why she died.
ICELANDIC CORPORATISM
You own 2 cows.
You sell 3 to a company on the stock exchange, with a collateral in the fake company of your brother in law – then you finalize a takeover, claiming you have already listed your company and get all 4 cows back – plus tax deduction.
The profits from the operation of the 6 cows is accounted for in a company in the Caribbean, but the secret majority of that company sells you the right for all 7 cows back. According to audited books, your company now owns 8 cows, and the right to purchase one more. You sell one cow to please an un-named politician –and that leaves you with 9 cows. The right to access the bull is sold via SPO
FRENCH CORPORATISM
You own 2 cows.
You go on a strike, organize a protest and stall traffic.... because you want to own 3 cows.
JAPANESE CORPORATISM
You own 2 cows.
You redesign them so that they are 10 times smaller, but produce 20 times more milk. Then you market a new comic hero – Cowman – which will be a global hit.
GERMAN CORPORATISM
You own 2 cows.
You redesign them so that they live for a 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.....
ITALIAN CORPORATISM
You own 2 cows.
You have no idea where they are. You decide to have something to eat.
RUSSIAN CORPORATISM
You own 2 cows.
You count them and figure out that you own 5 cows.
You count them again and figure out that you have 42 cows.
You count them yet again and find out that you have 2 cows
You stop counting and open up another bottle of vodka
SWISS CORPORATISM
You own 5000 cows. None of them really belongs to you. But you charge the owners for keeping them.
CHINESE CORPORATISM
You own 2 cows.
You hire 300 people to milk them. You state that the unemployment is at a minimum and that the agricultural sector is booming.
You arrest the journalist that told the truth about the situation.
INDIAN CORPORATISM
You own two cows.
You worship them
BRITISH CORPORATISM
You own two cows.
Both have mad cow disease.
IRAQI CORPORATISM
Everyone seem to own a lot of cows.
You tell everyone that you do not have any cow.
No one believes you so you are bombed to hell and your country invaded.
You still do not have any cows, but at least you are living in a democratic country...
AUSTRALIAN CORPORATISM
You own 2 cows.
Business is doing well.
You close the office and open up a few brewskys to celebrate.
NEW ZEALAND CORPORATISM
You own two cows.
The one on the left is really nice.
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